When your adult child is unraveling, every word feels like it matters—and every silence feels like failure.
You watch the signs pile up:
They barely sleep. They can’t finish school or work. Their eyes are flat. They’re agitated or eerily quiet. You see pieces of them slipping away.
You want to help. But when you finally speak up—*“I think it’s time to get help”—*the air changes. They look at you like you’ve just thrown them away.
You didn’t mean to make it worse. You meant to reach out. But this is the hardest kind of love—the kind that asks someone to get treatment when they don’t think they need it. Or don’t think they’re worth it. Or don’t trust you to lead them there.
At Foundations Group Recovery Center in Upper Arlington, we help parents navigate this moment—because it’s never just about finding the right program. It’s about how you say it. How you stay in the room. How you offer hope without pushing it too hard.
Let’s talk about what not to say when suggesting a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)—and what you can try instead.
“You need serious help” (Don’t lead with fear)
When you’re scared for your child’s safety, your words come out sharp. You may lead with worst-case scenarios or say things like:
- “You need to get help now or something bad is going to happen.”
- “This is getting out of hand.”
- “You’re scaring everyone.”
Why it backfires:
Panic language shuts people down. It makes your child feel labeled, blamed, or backed into a corner—even if your fear is completely justified.
Try this instead:
“I’m worried about how things have been lately. I want us to talk about something that might help—because I love you and I’m scared for you.”
You’re still naming the concern. But you’re doing it in a way that leaves their dignity intact.
“If you loved me, you’d do this” (Avoid guilt-based persuasion)
Sometimes, parents say this when they’ve been worn thin. When it’s taken everything in them not to break down. But tying treatment to love is risky.
Why it backfires:
It makes treatment about you, not them. And if they say no? Now love becomes another thing they feel they’ve failed at.
Try this instead:
“This isn’t about proving anything to me. This is about getting support so you can feel better, and we can breathe a little easier together.”
The invitation becomes about shared safety, not emotional debt.
“You’re being selfish” (Symptoms aren’t character flaws)
Depression often looks like disconnection. Anxiety looks like irritability. Psychosis might sound like rudeness or volatility. But these aren’t personal attacks on you. They’re signs that your child’s brain is in distress.
Why it backfires:
Calling them selfish makes them feel ashamed and unseen. It feeds their inner narrative that they’re broken or a burden.
Try this instead:
“I know it’s been hard to be around people lately. That’s exactly why I think a Partial Hospitalization Program might help—because it gives you support without pressure.”
You’re not ignoring the impact on the family. You’re just shifting the focus to healing.
“You’re not trying hard enough” (Mental illness isn’t laziness)
This one stings because it often comes from exhaustion. You’ve watched your child do well before. Maybe they’ve even laughed, worked, showed up. So when they stop, it’s easy to assume they’ve given up.
But symptoms aren’t choices. And recovery doesn’t start by being scolded into “trying harder.”
Why it backfires:
It sounds like you’re saying, You could be better if you wanted to be. That’s not just untrue—it’s dangerous.
Try this instead:
“I don’t think this is about effort. I think your brain is tired, and you need real support to feel better.”
“You’re going to end up in the hospital if you don’t go” (Scare tactics create resistance)
This one often comes from sheer terror. You’ve imagined the worst: an ER visit, a psych hold, a missing-person call. But when you lead with the threat of hospitalization, your child hears fear, not care.
Why it backfires:
It feels like a punishment. And it makes your child associate any kind of treatment—including a flexible, outpatient program like PHP—with being locked up.
Try this instead:
“PHP is a way to get help before things escalate. You don’t have to stay overnight. You’d be supported every day, but still have your freedom.”
This reframes PHP as prevention—not punishment.
What to Say Instead: Grounded Scripts That Open the Door
Here are a few phrases we’ve heard land well:
- “Can we just go talk to someone together? You don’t have to commit—I just want you to hear what’s possible.”
- “I’m not trying to fix you. I just want you to feel safe again.”
- “You don’t have to explain everything right now. I just want you to know there’s help if you want it.”
- “You don’t have to be ‘ready.’ You just have to be willing to let someone support you.”
Why Consider a Partial Hospitalization Program?
A PHP offers more support than weekly therapy but doesn’t require overnight stays like inpatient care. For many young adults in crisis, it’s the middle ground that feels doable.
At Foundations, our PHP includes:
- Daily structure (typically 5–6 hours a day, 5 days a week)
- Access to therapists, psychiatrists, and peer support
- Medication management
- Group and individual therapy
- A safe space to reset without leaving your life behind
We serve clients in Upper Arlington, as well as the wider Columbus and Franklin County areas.
A Parent’s Story: When the Conversation Finally Landed
“It wasn’t until I said, ‘I’m not here to argue. I’m here to sit beside you while we figure this out,’ that he even looked at me again. The next day, we called Foundations together.”
– Parent of PHP Graduate, 2024
Sometimes you only get 30 seconds of openness. And that’s enough to plant a seed. The goal isn’t a perfect pitch—it’s staying human, staying connected, and staying close enough to try again tomorrow.
FAQs: Talking to Your Adult Child About Treatment
What if they get angry or shut down?
Stay calm. Remind them you’re not forcing anything—you’re just offering options. Anger is often a mask for fear. Try again later.
What if they say, “I’m fine”?
Acknowledge their response, then share what you’ve noticed. Example:
“I’m glad you’re feeling okay, but I’ve seen some things that worry me—like how you’ve stopped sleeping and eating. Can we talk about that?”
What if they’ve been hospitalized before and hated it?
A Partial Hospitalization Program is different from inpatient hospitalization. Emphasize that they’d go home every night and have more control over their day.
What if I already messed up and said the wrong thing?
That’s okay. Go back. Try again. Say, “I know I didn’t handle this perfectly before. I want to do better. Can we try talking about it in a different way?”
Ready to Talk It Through?
Call (888)501-5618 to learn more about our PHP services in Upper Arlington, OH.
We can help you find the words—and hold the hope—when it feels like too much.
